Letter to the Editor: Hey Boss, Can I Still Work From Home?

To Whom It May Concern (Ms. Robins, my boss),

I hope you’re doing well in the office. I figured a letter to you would be the quickest way for you to see my message about working from home indefinitely.

To put it succinctly, things are going well here. My productivity has reached an all-time high since being at home, meaning I can crank out and edit two of these letters to the editor a day at this point. Everyone else in my section has either quit or been laid off, so I haven’t been having any issues with my New York Times co-workers. I certainly could not have said that while I was in the office.

I’m sure you’d be pleased to know that I have gotten someone to help me with my work and boost my morale. Rest assured, Mr. Fluffles isn’t on the payroll. He’s just an ambitious NYU journalism student who is the first and third set of my eyes on most of my work these days.

I would also ask that you consider why and if you want me back in the office. Ms. Robins, I’ve always respected you, even if you do not like me and my smell and are bound simply by the laws surrounding wrongful termination not to fire me. To those I say, I’ve been using Wirecutter for deodorant deals and have been using my excess free time to study and lawyer up on any potential wrongful termination suits.

I’ll check the print edition tomorrow morning for your response, but I look forward to a remote-working-relationship with you that will last no shorter than until the time at which this newspaper ceases to exist.