Is Nepotism Dead? I Paid My Son $300K To Investigate

NEW YORK — Some claim that nepotism is alive and well in America. I was unable to determine whether this was the case for myself, so I asked my son to investigate. My son is the Chief Officer Officer at my company. You may wonder: what is the purpose of such an office? Well, you see, my son was so talented we simply had to invent the position.

This investigation is his biggest challenge yet, in terms of how much he is being paid to do it. His team—a rag-tag gang united by blood alone—was given a $300,000 budget to spend on identifying sources of nepotism in the workplace. He is currently looking underneath coffee cups and sleuthing a magnifying glass down a corridor of cubicles.

So far, he has not found any signs of nepotism in my workplace, or any other workplace in America. He has proposed visiting other workplaces, but they grow disinterested as soon as they learn he does not share a last name with any of their employees.

Some critics at the office—even golf friends in HR—say he’s unfit. But I know he’s up for the job. There’s a reason he earns the big bucks.