Nation’s Toddlers Reveal Long-Term Plot To Grow Into Adults And Take American Jobs

DAYCARE—On Sunday, the nation’s leading toddlers released a statement outlining a long-term plot to grow into adults and replace the American workforce.

“I wanna be a fireman,” said Toby, age 3. His objective sparked fear and uncertainty in the emergency responder workforce. Toby later retracted the statement, saying he wanted to be “a astronaut.”

Toby was not alone in the plot to take American jobs. Co-conspirators McKayla and Sammy say they also plan to grow into adults. McKayla has already been gaining experience with motherhood using a doll she was given. And after lengthy play-time negotiations, Sammy vowed he is going to eat his dinner so he can become “big like daddy”. If these trends continue, it is likely that the entire adult population will be replaced by today’s toddlers.

Luckily, this day is far away. However, leading toddler experts expect that babies will reach adulthood and enter the workforce within two decades. It is unclear what they will do with jobs, but hopefully they will be fired for being babies.