RFK Jr. Drops Out Of Presidential Race After Learning What Happened To RFK Sr.

WASHINGTON—On Monday, RFK Jr. announced he would step down as the Independent Party’s presidential nominee, in a decision heavily influenced by learning what happened to RFK Sr.

The reveal came in a campaign briefing that was held to address rally safety.

“I think we need to address the elephant in the room,” began a chief staffer. “After what happened to your father, we can’t have another tragedy unfold.”

“Hold on. What happened to RFK Sr.?” the Independent nominee asked. The chief staffer whispered in his ear for a while.

“Huh?” RFK Jr. responded as an expression of concern took over. The staffer continued whispering in his ear. “Uhhh…You guys need to tell me these things,” RFK Jr. said. “Like, I need to know this stuff.”

Within the hour, RFK Jr. released a statement saying he was no longer running in the Presidential race. His statement included a tone of surprise and anger, and cited gruesome snippets from the Wikipedia description of his father’s assassination. “Nope nope nope nope nope nope,” the statement concluded.

While he is no longer the Independent nominee, RFK Jr. says he may consider running as an Independent.