‘Can I Get A Whoop Whoop’: House Democrats Try New Strategy For Raising Debt Ceiling

After failing to play hardball with Republicans, House Democrats have settled on a new strategy for raising the debt ceiling: motivational dance.

“The conga line was pivotal in getting our national rail project over the line,” said Jay J. Jigglebooube D-WA as he practiced the controversial thrusting section of the Macarena. “Everyone voted yea just to end my filibuster.”

For months, however, the problem of raising the debt ceiling plagued Democrats. A weeks-long effort to integrate the Cha-Cha Slide was derailed after Y. M. Ca D-MA pointed out that the popular dance only included horizontal movement. “We have seen time and time again that calls to go ‘to the left’ are broadly rejected by the American public,” noted Ca, who followed her statement with a tasteful whip leading into a mic-drop gesture.

Fortunately, rising star and registered organ donor Paramore J. Rodentia D-MN has a solution. In the final moments before the presentation of her Prop It Like It’s Hot bill, Rodentia plans to ask the entire House if she can “get a whoop whoop” via megaphone. “If enough Republicans instinctively put their hands up in a pulsing motion, thereby signaling their interest in ‘raising the roof,’ it counts as a yea vote,” asserted Rodentia. “I think.”

House Republicans, aware of Rodentia’s plan, have been practicing a collective Mannequin challenge. “They think that we’re going to dance,” scoffed Funhater Fugkberg R-SD. “Little do they know the power of a little Rae Sremmurd on aux.”