Generation Alpha Quiet-quitting Middle School Band

MIDDLE SCHOOL — The youngest generation of people in America, Generation Alpha, is already demonstrating unwillingness to work by quiet-quitting middle school bands in record numbers.

In the 2023 fiscal year, 30% of brass section chairs refused to show up to non-mandatory recitals. 40% of woodwind chairs dropped after sixth grade. Most alarmingly, polls indicate that 95% of Gen Alpha does not see themselves doing band in 10 years.

Some Gen Alpha are already “job-hopping”—shoveling snow one day, mowing the lawn the next. Zero fourteen year olds have spent more than 18 months at one job. This spells devastation for the world economy, unless this article inspires them to change their ways.

If these trends continue, Generation Alpha is shaping up to be the least disciplined, most work-avoidant generation in history. Experts predict the only way to scare them into taking up jobs is to raise college tuition to $200,000 per year. One creative avenue could be lowering pay, which makes working closer to the experience of not working in exactly one way.

If you enjoy the unique sound of 12-year-olds’ operating tubas and violins, enjoy it while it lasts: Because someday, they just might be 13-year-olds operating tubas and violins.