Misunderstood Free-thinker Looks Directly At Eclipse

At 4:42PM on Saturday, March 30, local iconoclast Trent Bugs stared directly into the solar eclipse with his naked eyes.

For many residents of Blue Falls, DE, the rules are the rules. “Looking directly into a solar eclipse can cause permanent damage to your cornea, and it’s actually harder to make out small details when you’re not wearing protective glasses,” said Dr. Kalamata Lively, a resident sheeple who believes whatever the government beams into her pea-sized prefrontal cortex. “I like to consider what experts have to say,” added Trent’s sister, a bottom-feeding follower who we will not name for her own protection.

Fortunately for mankind, Trent is different. Despite society’s continued efforts to control his thoughts and actions via advice and common sense, this baller continues to blaze his own path. “I just felt like it,” he revealed when asked about his revolutionary act. In addition to staring at the eclipse, the maverick has also shunned society’s shackles by wearing a hoodie made by the niche magazine Thrasher and engaging in petty larceny.

Though underappreciated in his own time, experts forecast that Trent will become a major religious figure by the year 2030. “It took them a couple of centuries to appreciate Jesus, and,” spoke Trent before hitting a black cherry vape and creatively ending his sentence early, thereby subverting our expectations and affirming his unique brilliance at the same time.